Funny golf phrases

I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew
> tomatoes,
> they'd come up sliced.
>
> I've spent most of my life golfing. The rest I've
> just
> wasted.
>
> They call it golf because all the other four-letter
> words
> were taken.
>
> Golf is played by twenty million mature American men
> whose
> wives think they are out having fun.
>
> It took me seventeen years to get three thousand
> hits in
> baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf
> course.
>
> Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six,
> and
> write down five.
>
> Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful
> partner, and
> you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
>
> Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?
>
> The only time my prayers are never answered is on
> the golf
> course.
>
> Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite
> of what
> you are inclined to do, and you will probably come
> very
> close to having a perfect golf swing.
>
> If you think it's hard to meet new people, try
> picking up
> the wrong golf ball.
>
> It's good sportsmanship not to pick up lost golf
> balls while
> they are still rolling.
>
> Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a
> ball with
> implements ill-adapted for the purpose.
>
> Gone golfin' ... be back about dark thirty.
>
> The difference in golf and government is that in
> golf you
> can't improve your lie.
>
> Golf is a game invented by the same people who think
> music
> comes out of a bagpipe.