Thursday, March 15, 2007

Rules for wives/girl friends during world cup

1. From 13 March to 28 April 2007, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored

DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t
mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without
distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make
sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I
won’t have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during
the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require
a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind
if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the
telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor….it won’t happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in
the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on,
and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come
over to watch the games. In return for your good behaviour, you will
be allowed to use the TV when matches are not showing, unless they
replay a good game that I missed during the night.
6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my
teams is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, its only a game”, or
“don’t worry, they’ll win next time”. If you say these things, you
will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you
will never ever know more about Cricket than me and your so called
“words of encouragement” will only lead to a break up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk
to me during break but only when the commercials are on, and only if
the score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying “one”
game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to
“spend time together”.

8. The replays of the shots are very important. I don’t care if I
have seen them or I haven’t seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child
related parties or gatherings that require my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
B) I will not go, and
C) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to
watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV is just as
important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying but you have already seen this…why don’t you change the channel
to something we can all watch??”, the reply will be: “Refer to Rule #2 of this list”.

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as “Thank God the
World Cup is only every 3 years”. I am immune to these words,
because after this comes the, ICC 20-20 World Cup, etc etc.