pakistani call centre phantaastic

Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf recently claimed in Washington that Pakistanis speak better English than Indians do, so more jobs would be outsourced to Pakistan soon. Sure, we just managed to peek into the transcript of a conversation between a customer and a Pakistani call center worker at the only such establishment in the country.

Customer: Hello
Call Center Worker (CCW): Guddmoaning.
Customer: Umm…it’s evening here…? Where are you?
CCW: You infidel, you lie. You make night into day.
Customer: I’m so sorry, but may I know your name.
CCW: Yo.
Customer: Yo, Yo.
CCW: Not Yoyo, just Yo.
Customer: That’s a strange name.
CCW: Don’t fool me. I watch American serials. They all call each other by “yo”. Popular name it is.
Customer: Okay, sure Yo. I get where you’re coming from. I have a problem…
CCW: I have problem too. My wife ugly, my second wife uglier, my third wife ugliest. You will marry me, no?
Customer: Say what? You already have three wives. Anyway, why should I want to marry you?
CCW: I can marry four times. And I want to be in America, very badly. You marry me?
Customer: No way.
CCW: Trouble for you. You know, our President say we building world’s tallest building. We use it for target practice. Be warned.
Customer: Ugh…can we get to my problem now?
CCW: Your husband marry me? In America, men can marry men, no?
Customer: No way.
CCW: He can. We Pakistanis prefer men anyway. I’m trained mullah. I convert him.
Customer: He doesn’t need to be converted, and he’s not gay!
CCW: Yes, I see. With bad wife like you, he not happy, surely. Doh!
Customer: Doh?
CCW: You fool me again? Doesn’t Homer say “Doh”? I watch American TV, so much sex and violence. We only have violence here.
Customer: Look, neither I nor my husband have the faintest desire to marry you. Get that? All I want to know is why there’s an additional charge of $312 on by cell bill for calling…er….Jeddah?
CCW: Someone at center must be talking to Al Qaeda friend. You have problem?
Customer: Er…why so I have to pay for it?
CCW: It your holy duty. You complain, you pay more $100…to me. I need buy new Kalashnikov, my ugly wives talk too much.
Customer: I have to pay another $100?
CCW: Only that. If you nice, you pay more, my local mosque need new Stinger missile. I charge your credit card now…ok?
Customer: No, not okay. You can’t just take my money!
CCW: I already did.
Customer: Good grief. I’m going to complain about you, I want to speak to your supervisor.
CCW: My supervisor not talk to you, he not back from Beslan yet.
Customer: Good God, okay, I’m going to cancel my service to this company.
CCW: You cancel, you in trouble. I know where you live. And I get new Kalashnikov. (Sniggers).
Customer: Ooooooooh…(Faints).